I saw an amazing post from a friend of mine which showed a phone battery icon drained and reading;
“You wouldn't let this happen to your phone. Don't let it happen to you either. Self Care is a priority not a luxury.”
So many moms get a wave of guilt when they think of Self Care.
It's become that “item” on the To-Do list that just never gets done.
There can be such a strong emphasis on physical self care... not just caring for our bodies but the physical life we are living... such as get out of the house, go shopping for yourself... have a coffee alone... The Self care that triggers guilt and a feeling of failing is when we see self care as taking care of ourselves, as if we don't have enough to “take care of”.
I think it's time to start looking at true self care...
taking care of the REAL YOU, the inner workings that make up your view and perspective. Making sure that the thoughts we think, the focus of our hearts and minds are resonating with the person we really want to be. (It takes focus, not time.)
The quote in my Danielle Laporte planner this week was “We are Big Spirits with Human Shortcomings..”
And, honestly, in talks about self care, it just feels like we put so much attention and energy into smoothing out those shortcomings, rather than just giving more energy to being the Big Spirits we really are.
When we can practice showing up as our Big Selves... oh the rest just seems to smooth out on it's own.
Oh don't get me wrong. I know the stress and chaos surrounding being a mom very well.
Currently my house is a knex workshop, there's clatter and creation everywhere, and I'm writing this sentence a few times over.
But I think that the discussion of self care needs to be a far more subtler thing than hair cuts, manicures and girlfriend outings.
I think we need to put more focus on making sure self care, true self care, within the day, within each moment, becomes more of a priority.
Because quite frankly, it's easy to lose ourselves in the chaos, and then how are we to know who we're supposed to be caring for with that Self Care. If life is full of To-Dos... then how are we meant to just Be?
Another thing that bothers me is the story “escaping” creates for us and our kids.
Distracting trips to Target will keep the negative focused story of home circulating in a busy moms head as they puzzle over the life they are trying to get away from.
And telling the story that you need to get away from your kids for peace of mind, not only creates an expectation of chaos, but it also tells them that they are the problem and you need a break from their reality.
It feels like there's a snowball of pressure building, busy schedules, frantic routines, trying to get kids to listen, to do what we want, to make... a happy home?
It's really time to work from the Inside Out with this.
So, what's some self care tools you can practice right now?
As you are reading this look around you and start to list absolutely everything that is working.
What's going well? What are your kids thriving at? What are YOU thriving at? What can you appreciate what can you savor and smile at?
That can help you find relief and a deeper understanding for the journey you are currently on.
Did you know that, scientifically, you can't be feeling any other state other than appreciation when you practice gratitude? I mean, you can't be focusing on what you appreciate and still feel sad, mad, drained etc.
Hands on your heart, take a deep breath.
With each breath imagine a shower of light, fueled by love flowing over you.
Feel it flow through you, down into the base of your spine, filling you up from the inside out... like a vase being filled with water.
Love is flowing to you, you know. You are an energetic being... and the universe is energy.
You attract what you are. You just need to let it in.
So, big Spirit, what about your kids?
They are big spirits too, and these human shortcomings can be so confusing sometimes.
So, rather than telling the story that our kids prevent us from finding balance, let's start seeing the imbalance as just the human experience...
and our kids are feeling it just as much as we do.
Isn't it great that taking some time, even moments at home, shows our kids that our inner processing matters and we can find calm in the chaos?
Isn't it a beautiful thing that once we've re-framed the concept of self care to being about the inner work, we can still be inspired to go out for a walk alone and it's not about PUSHING AWAY FROM OUR KIDS... but vulnerably admit to needing quiet to find balance within our hearts.
That's a story kids understand. They don't understand how a shopping trip can give more balance than inner work.
Inner work, emotional languages and imagination... That's how children understand this human experience.
Because they haven't forgotten that we are all Big Spirits.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.