Are your kids "acting their age?" (I guess in this moment I'm asking myself if I act MY age. What does that even mean?)
Over the last month or so, while everyone has been spending 24/7 with their kids in lockdown, I've sensed an anxiety about whether your children are "on level" or "doing well." There's been a lot of "How will they turn out?"
So, I wanted to get something out there. Every person is doing the best they can.
Even when there's no pandemic stress and overwhelm, children will explore behaviors and have ups and downs in experience. (they are people!)
Over 18 years of parenting, with 3 kids, I can tell you it wasn't always sunshine and roses.
My daughters, who are 10 months apart, used to stamp on each other’s feet and then tell me it was an accident.
Then there was the time that we spent hours searching for my daughter’s doll, only to find out that her sister had hid it under a slide because she was jealous.
My son used to have a temper that would boil up inside of him until it explodes all over the house, with a slam of his door, a few choice words and a melt down which I can’t get near.
I don’t share these stories often, not because I’m ashamed of them, but because I didn’t want to hold my kids to their past behaviors, I don’t want the stories of their off moments to define them.
So, let me balance with this.
These past few months my eldest laughs a laugh I haven’t heard for years.
She just got into art college for September, has started meditating and exploring her own magic, just because she feels called to it. (I’ve always made sure my kids found their own path to spirituality. They’ve only heard me discuss mine and the minute they need anything to explore their own, they just have to ask. No pressure.)
My second daughter asks her oracle cards what to do each day and is doing her own exercise routine each morning. She is so full of light, and we drive our family mad with our goofiness together.
My son, yesterday he came down asking about how to communicate something to his cousin. I’m hearing him talk about his feelings, and notice that before his temper rises he’s discussing his insecurities and how things feel instead.
I’ve learnt over the years of parenting and self development work that there’s no such thing as a Good Kid, or a Bad Kid… or a Good Person or a Bad Person.
People don’t “turn out”, they evolve, and as they evolve and grow they make choices based on what they know.
When I first started parenting my girls oh boy, I tried the whole getting mad thing.
I shouted, I flipped out, I ranted. I lectured.
But, I watched as my girls shut down and didn’t hear me. (and proceeded to still stamp on each other’s feet while shouting “Whoops, don’t get mad mom, it was an accident.)
Power plays were aplenty and our relationship started to fall through the cracks.
So, I started to learn myself, that maybe life wasn’t a ladder to climb, maybe it wasn’t about being a “better person" or being "good", maybe it was about allowing each person to get to know themselves and, as they made mistakes and felt bad, discuss emotional awareness and explore kindness as something that feels better.
Life is an exploration.
Just as little toddlers who want to explore all their senses and feel frustrated when we say no to tasting dirt because how are you going to know what dirt tastes like if you don’t try! (Not saying you let your kid eat dirt, but when you see it as exploration you divert them differently.)
Your children are exploring life, through lockdown, through fears, through your own stress, they are exploring what they like and what they don’t like, what they think and what they feel.
Over the past few weeks I’ve had a number of parents sigh in relief when I tell them “yeah, your child is acting the way most kids their age act.”
Your child is feeling the immense energy system that is flowing through them RIGHT NOW. They feel the Full Moon and the rising and falling of the planet’s frequency even stronger than we do.
They feel the stress and can’t intellectualize it.
They feel the fear and know that it is so far away from our natural essence of LOVE.
They know. And sometimes it all feels so big, so very, very big, that it sweeps over them and creates an explosion.
My son used to call this his blender brain, when even me trying to calm him down would add to the mix that was building pressure.
Please go slow with your darlings at this time.
They are exploring, and as they do they are feeling everything so strongly.
Breathe deep with them, don’t judge them. Ground their feet, talk in soft voices, read, laugh, play. See the world through their eyes. Because they have solutions we might all need.
And they have hearts that need holding as well as hands.
We’re all people in this, and our little people are working through a heck of a lot. (but then, aren't we all?)
I know. Sometimes, having just a few suggestions and new tools can be like fresh air through an open window. Everything just looks different.
But also, sometimes the focus can feel like it's all on the action outside of you....
So often it can feel like your energy is focused on how to parent, and how to create connection with your kids.
But, as you know, I'm all about making sure that you find connection within, so you can feel grounded and present with your children, fully tuned in to Who You Really Are.
This year, I'm excited to have my Self Development course, Step into Your Light for just $127
I feel like this is really an important addition... because as parents I know how tempting it is to want to invest in the tools to "fix" your challenges.
I hear it all the time... parents will mention a challenge they are facing with their children, either in behavior, or sleep, or potty training or teen raising... and they ask "What can I do?"
The courses in this bundle will give you concrete solutions that will work a treat.
And yet, deeper down there's something else.
As parents it can be such a joy to invest in our kids.
How you can make a better life for them, how can you provide them with the best platform for learning, growing and love?
You can spend and spend looking for the perfect resource and tool.
And yet at the same time, Self Care is becoming a to-do list item that rarely gets met. It's falling to the sideline and getting lost in solo trips to Target or long bubble baths.
So often, busy parents who are successfully navigating their child through day to day activity, are also craving something else.
A deeper sense of guidance, of connection... of present living.
This was my motivation in creating Step into Your Light.
I actually started the process of creating the course with a simple question posted in numerous groups...
"Do you feel lost in the role of being a Mom?"
The replies were astounding.
Now to be fair, there were many who replied, no. That being a mom was what they'd always dreamed of.
But the majority replied that they longed to connect to the still voice of themselves and it was currently lost in the chaos of it all.
At the same time though, they would invest in things for their kids, for their parenting, but were struggling in investing for "self care".
Because, with the variety of courses, you are getting a chance to invest in your parenting, in your children and at the same time, invest in creating that connection within yourself, so you can truly shine as the authentic parent you want to be from a deep, heart centred place.
Recently, as I sat imagining you purchasing the bundle, I had a little twinge of new desire.
I love working with my clients and connecting with parents who are enrolled in my programs or memberships.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.