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I played a lot of imaginary games growing up. I had a set one that I always immersed myself in. I had a large family of dolls I did everything with.
My role; The mom, Of course. I played it well. I did everything for my doll children. I clothed them, fed them, tended to their needs and sometimes they “got into trouble”, which for some reason was the more dramatic of events in any game day. I fulfilled the role to the last. I slipped in and out of the game as naturally as waking up each morning. What was once pretend is often referred to as role-playing now according to my daughters. We all have roles to play, don't we? And we don't even need detailed costumes. We are the employers, the employees, we're the wife, husband, doctor, lawyer, we're the bestie, the frenemy, the jock, the girlfriend. Perhaps we're even the social awkward, introvert or extrovert. We're the woo, the witchy, the bitchy. We're conservative, liberal, or activist. Roles show up everywhere in life. Same as clubs... the mom club, the anti-vaxer club, the pro-lifer club... the entrepreneur club. But, today I want to talk with you about how the role of a parent particularly is holding us in a place of management and of control, and actually keeping us from the present awareness we all would like to see nourishing between ourselves and our kids. I then want to introduce you to the power of Relationship, which encourages us to dive deeper into who we are.
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Last week I was talking with a woman in town and when she found out I was a Parent Coach (the title I give myself when I think Energy Healer and Spiritually Aware Parent Coach is going to create way too big of conversation at the moment) She looked at me in confusion.
"WHAT'S A PARENT COACH?" she asked. When I told her... I coach parents to find their center and calm within when they are with their children so they can deal with behaviour as something deeper and not use punishment as an option... Her response was... How do you parent without punishment? The other night my family and I went to see the film A Wrinkle in Time, which was one of my favorite books growing up. There is nothing more satisfying than having a film reflect the energy found in a book. Although a few changes had been made, it did nothing to affect the general theme of the story:
That within us, all of us, we have the power of love; which can overcome any darkness, challenge or obstacle. In fact, with poignant detail, it amplified the message to empower our children in the current world we live in. Young Meg, who is shown to have such low sense of self worth since her father’s disappearance, is called to be a light warrior along with her brother, Charles Wallace and friend, Calvin. Together they travel to a dark place, run by a Dark Energy Force IT, on a rescue mission to save her father. It’s weapon is that voice of self doubt, negative brain chatter, jealousy, anger, frustration and it can travel the universe. It leads to destruction. And the only tool to defeat it is LOVE. I read this book, and it’s sequels, growing up, and again quite recently, so I was so eager to share the film experience with my children. My 8.5 year old, movie-sensitive, son had no idea what to expect, but enjoyed it. (He might have had his head in my arm for the climax at the end, but I think he appreciated the clear contrast between light and dark, hero and challenge... rather than the murky grey that is often offered in films these days.) My daughters read the book for the first time about 6 years ago, but then my younger daughter had just finished the book again for her GRADE 8 Oak Meadow Curriculum. So it was fresh in her mind and, because of the curriculum, she was able to experience it from a fuller perspective probably than the rest of us. I am so excited that Oak Meadow included this book in the grade 8. My happy student was asked to produce an essay/book report after she was done and was given a list of questions which guided her into a deeper perspective of the book’s symbolism. This is so important, as it really is a relevant story for our lives. The book’s author, Madeleine L’Engle has always been a hero of mine. She wrote about Spirituality, self empowerment and vulnerability as well as science through the craft of a novel and her non-fiction. I think she submitted A Wrinkle in Time about 40 times before it found a publishing home. She was passionate. She was a light warrior in New York, and in her lifetime. Yes, the Newberry award winning book is a common inclusion in school curriculum, but I found Oak Meadow brought it to life in a beautiful way, diving deep into the question of why the power of love could defeat the dark force, when nothing else, including genius and high intelligence, could. My daughter loves to focus on one topic at a time in Oak Meadow, and with the selection of books in this year English was her first choice to start off with. So far she’s read The Giver, A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and Lord of the Flies, all before A Wrinkle in Time… she’s moving through them in such a passionate, yet beautiful manner. The curriculum also asks her to work through the book Writing for 100 Days, which as challenged her writing and her grammar in ways that empowered her and gave her concrete tools, all at the same time of providing her with stories based in self discovery and empowerment. She’s so much more confident in her writing and in her processing of the written word and a sense of self. (Which I didn’t think was possible. If there was one thing I thought I’d homeschooled well in up to this point, it was English. But, Oak Meadow has truly inspired a more profound and detailed use of the written word in my girl.) I found it also amazing that during the chapters of A Wrinkle in Time she was asked to do stream of subconscious writing. A process I often suggest to my own clients. Why is all of this important and what am I expressing here? We live in a time when there’s a lot of fear happening in our world, it’s vital to give empowering tools to our children. Watching films, or reading books, like A Wrinkle In Time remind them that within them are powerful tools, universal connections, and that so many “events and circumstances had to come together in just the right way for them to come here.” (to loosely quote Oprah Winfrey’s character in the film) In other words, each child, each person is special, unique and here for a purpose. When we give purpose and tools for empowerment to our children, a sense of belonging, they can be like Meg and overcome their fear with love from within. Reading, watching or hearing stories that spark this truth within our children is a huge step in creating a better world for them. I am so thankful that curriculum like Oak Meadow, and film creators are beginning to recognize this fundamental step in a child’s (yikes… teen’s) development and education. With their crafted curriculum lessons they give students confidence, encouragement and tools to move forward with. It’s exhilarating. As parents, we can observe our children, watch their behaviors and mannerisms and basically try to guess how they truly feel about something they are experiencing. Sure we can ask them honest questions, but deep down, we know there’s a chance the answer being given is the one our children assume we want to hear.
Often our children might not know their inner truths themselves. In my own experience, it is only in the still of the night, when all is calm, that I can quietly feel my way to how things are unfolding for my children and if there’s any new ways I can support them. Early on this year in one of these moments, I suddenly found myself feeling the need to help our, then 13 year old, daughter, Gia, and I’m so glad that once we acknowledged the issue, we were able to allow in such a glorious solution. She's going to share her thoughts and experiences with you in a moment... but here's some background. January 2016 was a strange month in our homeschooling journey. She’d pushed herself through some painful lessons on line before Christmas the month before, had plowed through a workbook that had given her no joy. Our Gia is our natural joy-lover. This week we finally put our tree up and it was so exciting to see how our three children really dove into it this year.
At the same time, I had to do a little bit of inner work to really release the outcome and allow it to flow. You see, I have this box of Christmas decorations which we’ve been lumbering around with us for the past 15 years. They’ve been carefully gathered and collected over our family’s childhood. Many of them were bought in the UK from when we lived over there when our girls were small. There are the few things that were gifted to us during a particularly broke time. There’s even a small angel decoration that I made for my husband’s and my first Christmas together. (We were “in-between” countries, not knowing where to settle so not really wanting to buy a lot of things. We had a small apartment and at the last moment I decided we needed to decorate for Christmas after all. The little angel’s face was done with embroidery thread and her body was ribbon found in the bottom of a sewing basket. Her head was literally the blower of a bubble bottle, covered in material. Every year I hang her on the tree with fondness.) Over the years our box of decorations has been bashed around as it traveled from place to place with us. Not only that, many a time I’ve stressed about its wellbeing, begging my husband to do check ins on its care. There was the couple of Christmases it had been left in storage and I would mourn the little angel or special trinkets that wouldn’t be on the tree that year. There’s even been late night panic attacks where I’ve planned fire escapes and wondered how to get that box of decorations out from wherever it was stored. At a certain point I’ve had to ask the magic question of “why?” Why? Why was a box of decorations so important? |
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