 This was actually a post I wrote 3 years ago.
And yet, I was reminded about it today when I was talking about the resistance parents have sometimes to putting the tools in place to just... feel better. I do it myself sometimes. I see a program that would bring relief and probably create some amazing manifestations in my life, creating joy, laughter and flow through the process... but then I put my attention on the grind and daily chores, putting off what feels like relief for the struggle. But I have to ask... "how can I create relief, from struggle?" that makes no sense! Yes, as humans we all have patterns that need to be re-paved. So, it's time... Time to take your hand off of the hot stove. When I was starting my positive parenting path, it coincided with my discovery of the teachings of Abraham Hicks… and the the concept of taking your hand off the hot stove really transformed my way of thinking. When I first was introduced to the work of Abe and Esther, my husband and I ordered a CD of theirs (yeah… remember ordering CDs?). We listened to it so often that I can still hear some of it word for word in my head…. “We just want to encourage you to take your hand off the stove. But you say ‘ I can’t. My mother put her hand on the stove, her mother put her on the stove… it’s just what we do. The day I was born they told me to put my hand on the stove.” And we say, try it. And you sigh and say ‘it is sweet relief to take my hand off the stove. But who am I to take my hand off, when even my government and world has their hands on the stove?’ we say, put your hand back on the stove if you want to, but now you know that you have the choice.” What’s the stove? Pressure. Struggle. Stress. The perception that life has to be hard, that success has to be achieved, that we have to push to get what we want. That parenting has to be a painful journey with a lot of heartache… and our children will end up rebelling against us. That we have to control them, or cajole them to be the people we want them to be. (blech!) That we can't feel relief, or centre, or spiritual connection without long periods of time for healing and rehashing the past. We can take our hands off that stove of struggle, of pain. What I love about this image is the actual relief it sparks within me. I imagine having my hand in pain and then just lifting it off. I don’t need to pry it with all my might. I don’t need to push. I just need to remember that I have what it takes to just lift my hand out of the fire. I have what it takes to breathe deep and be. But I still forget. I still put it right back on there What Abraham forgets to mention (mainly because they are a spiritual consciousness being channeled through Esther Hicks) is that as physical people, we also have neural pathways that pull us back into our old patterns. Each morning, as if on cue, we will get out of bed and put our hands back on that stove, unless we put some tools in place to remind ourselves that each day can be different. We can make a different choice. I often talk about how complaining literally becomes part of us and how gratitude (appreciation) breaks the pathways of negative perspective. But it does take that choice of lifting our hands off of the high pressure world, in fact, making that choice each day, is really all it takes. I remember when I was in theatre school, I would sit listening to what the teacher would tell us our project was or what was expected from us. I remember thinking “nah… I can’t even imagine myself doing that.” And then within a few weeks I’d be doing stage-fighting, or climbing 20ft scaffolding, or reciting some long piece of Shakespeare prose. I soon learned that it was just about jumping in and not pushing against it, and taking the step by step path before me. I’d get there in the end. Sometimes it just takes focusing on the “headlights”… because just like when you drive at night you can only see a few feet in front of you with the help of your headlights, and yet you always end up at your destination. This is so true in life… Sometimes, the only step that’s clear is to take your hand off of the hot stove. It's time. It's really, really time. We have made things so complicated, but as a spiritual being having a physical experience you can STOP and CLAIM your inner, unique power simply by... Claiming it. Ease the pressure just a bit, but lifting your hand... up! When we can just find that relief, even if everything around us is busy. Focus on headlights, focus on love, light and relief. You’ll get there in the end.
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 If a busy parent develops their sense of self love, spiritual connection and a deep awareness of their whole selves, they can freely create a conscious, fulfilling, life of flow and relief with their kids. When a parent is stressed out and spread too thin, they are simply trying to get water from an empty well. Whereas, when you connect to your spiritual resources and inner self, energy flows to you, fuels you, replenishes you and keeps you present and calm. Children respond to a present, grounded parent... whereas they can't when their mom and dad feel scattered and all over the place. It's a strong belief within me, I can tell you that. But have I ever told you why this is such a powerful belief? Why do I feel this is the conscious parenting secret sauce? Because I've been on both ends of the scale. I often will talk about having 2 little girls under one. I'll talk about feeling scattered homeschooling as well as running a business. But I don't think I've ever discussed what led me to truly trusting in the power of going within. In 2010 we took our first worldschooling trip to the UK, but in so many ways it was one of escape. - We'd been working on fixing up our house, a money pit, and my husband was facing burnout. - Our dog had been killed by a neighbor. - Our goat had died in giving birth... along with 2 of her kids. - My family was gripped in heartbreak with some extended family issues. - CPS had been called by neighbors concerned about our daughters not being in school. (before homeschooling became a thing in our province.) I was spread so thin I would find myself shaking. I was running around after everyone's needs, and each time the phone rang I would feel myself tense up and start to panic. I often talk about the law of attraction and, although, manifestation can have different connotations for different people, we all manifest daily, within each moment.
It’s just that we can live life more consciously and aware than we often do. When we set an intention, we hold a thought, an idea, of something we would like to experience, or a shift in how we feel or live. This intention has a feeling space, and when we use our imaginations to actually FEEL that feeling, our spirits, our hearts and even our cells within our bodies, don’t know it’s not actually happening. Have you ever played an imaginary game with your child? It’s so funny, because I so often resist playing pretend, and I don’t do it half as often as I wish I did… but when I do, when I actually get involved in a game with my kids, oh there’s nothing better. My son and I used to have a game where we had a magic car that would time travel and turn into whatever we needed. We rescued animals and saved the world on numerous occasions. The amazing thing was within that moment, there was always a moment, when we both just let go of our current perspective and lived within that game. We both would see the animals in danger, we both felt the adrenaline of excitement as we pulled them into our car for safety. This week we finally put our tree up and it was so exciting to see how our three children really dove into it this year.
At the same time, I had to do a little bit of inner work to really release the outcome and allow it to flow. You see, I have this box of Christmas decorations which we’ve been lumbering around with us for the past 15 years. They’ve been carefully gathered and collected over our family’s childhood. Many of them were bought in the UK from when we lived over there when our girls were small. There are the few things that were gifted to us during a particularly broke time. There’s even a small angel decoration that I made for my husband’s and my first Christmas together. (We were “in-between” countries, not knowing where to settle so not really wanting to buy a lot of things. We had a small apartment and at the last moment I decided we needed to decorate for Christmas after all. The little angel’s face was done with embroidery thread and her body was ribbon found in the bottom of a sewing basket. Her head was literally the blower of a bubble bottle, covered in material. Every year I hang her on the tree with fondness.) Over the years our box of decorations has been bashed around as it traveled from place to place with us. Not only that, many a time I’ve stressed about its wellbeing, begging my husband to do check ins on its care. There was the couple of Christmases it had been left in storage and I would mourn the little angel or special trinkets that wouldn’t be on the tree that year. There’s even been late night panic attacks where I’ve planned fire escapes and wondered how to get that box of decorations out from wherever it was stored. At a certain point I’ve had to ask the magic question of “why?” Why? Why was a box of decorations so important? |
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