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I had been living a spiritually aware life for sometime when I met my husband in one of the most aligned, magical experiences of my life. I had studied religious studies in university, practiced meditation, the art of the law of attraction, yoga and had a pretty much ongoing conversation with Spirit to create a happy mystical life, for quite sometime, and suddenly listening to my heart's knowledge led me across the ocean and into the right room at the right time. I sat beside the man of my dreams.
Within moments I went from me alone - to us together and within 6 months we were expecting to multiply.
From my star gazing nights of solitude we suddenly went to having a little girl, 2 months later I was pregnant again, living with my parents and broke. Not what I had expected or dreamed of a year before. It was the roller coaster of the lifetime, but it suddenly seemed like we were full steam ahead, and out of control. When I first held our eldest in my arms I was filled with awe. Nothing had felt so perfect, more natural. That first week staring into her eyes was like heaven. But with other people’s opinions in my ears, lack of a community of support, living in a busy house, and a tired me trying to calm a colicky, sensitive to stress, baby at the same time as trying to find a sense of self, and find time to connect with the love of my life, I turned to looking for mere control and routine like I’d always been taught was a parent’s job.
Control gave me no happiness, no enjoyment of my baby moments. I saw the broken routines and dirty clothes instead of sparkling discoveries and a new spirit in awe. When others suggested keeping our girl in her crib a little longer each time she cried, I cried harder than her, feeling her fear. It all felt so off and ironically, out of control.
When our second daughter came a mere 10 months later I almost lost myself entirely. Each day I went to bed telling myself I was just over tired, but knowing I was so tired because I wasn’t being the mom I wanted to be.
Life was like a runaway train, each day speeding by, each day me losing a bit more connection, always a step behind, I was heading for a collision. Life was out of control as we moved back to the UK, only to find ourselves with a sick baby, a toddler and pretty much homeless.
But with a sense of something lost in the mists, a knowledge that had almost seemed forgotten, an inner calling to a magical connection that was at our foundation we forged our way through and got set up as a proper home.
The first two years of our daughters’ lives was a mishmash. A bit of positive parenting in the form of a controlled, peaceful environment in the midst of me losing my temper and freaking out if I found an example of child exploration that I thought of as bad behavior. I was on edge and being someone else. I couldn't find connection when it came to my parenting. I looked up to my star filled skies, to the moon that had guided me, and felt nothing. It was time to change.
My husband and I started to build connection with new tools and new understanding. We wanted universal truths to be the foundations of our home. Love, Fun, Joy, Connection. I wanted my sense of knowing back. I wanted my intuition to be my go-to. I wanted to be unshakable in my re-Source.
Life had some crazy journeys in store for us, but we soon got back into the swing of positive living. I started to gather exercises and meditations, quick pick me ups that would get me back to a sense of connection for both myself and our children to reset the feeling of the house and ourselves. I did inspiration boards, I did children's books, I sang with them and got into nature. I went back to working with energy, shifting how the house felt with incense, singing bowls, meditation, and music. I opened myself to solutions rather than hammering the problem. Life suddenly started to work again. By the time we got pregnant with our boy, we'd established a happy four member team, our daughters and us.
I'd been so stressed and overwhelmed through our daughters pregnancies, that I didn't want to waste those precious moments by greeting challenges negatively with our boy. I had gained new knowledge about quantum physics and the energy of our thoughts, I embraced any tool that would give me that quick connection, including staring up at the moon, my longtime friend. I learnt how to tap into our son's essence, to hear him, communicate with him and greet him with a recognition when he was born at our home. I could see life through his baby eyes and learnt so much about the universe we live in- his wonder and delight changed my world forever.
At the same time our little girls weren't so little. They were growing and changing, interpreting their world, forming their own opinions, we homeschool and we needed to shift quickly to adapt to our growing brew.
Using what our son had taught me about seeing through his eyes I did the same with our girls. Lying in bed with everyone asleep, I threw myself into their essence and felt my way through to their needs. I would connect with my own Source, and suddenly my worries melted, I saw them as Who They Are, and knew, all was fine. I could trust their processes.
I connected through writing, as I had done on many a night as a single girl dreaming. I'd write and hear solutions, or rather suddenly find my pen moving and write them. So I put pen to paper. Through a lot of ink and the occasional blog post, I found balance and felt my way through to a happier, connected relationship with all of our children. I found I could understand them and connect to my Source in a totally different way then ever before. Through a process of mini-meditations, I’ve written four books on being a Spiritually Aware Parent. Three of these books are full of inspiring passages which literally flowed out of my fingers and onto the page each night for three years, usually providing me with the guidance I needed on my parenting journey. I then would post them on Facebook and find that they were in perfect timing for the needs of my readers as well. From the source within me, the passages were inspiring people from all over the world. It was an inspiring and humbling experience and out of it, this site was born.
I'm here to say that even if you didn't start the journey the way you wanted to, you can find the road you want again. Everything is perfect and parenting can be the most happy, spiritually fulfilling, life that is full of wonder. We just have to decide to make it our own experience rather than see it as a chore and expect it to be the same process as everyone else's. And if you are just starting your journey, I'm here to say, you don't have to listen to anyone else, unless their advice rings true to your soul. I have such a rich life since deciding that I defined my parenting, not my parenting defined me. My children don't reflect me, I am simply lucky enough to share my life with them. I look forward to the journeys we can go on together.
That's my journey....some of my "bio" tidbits are however,
I was homeschooled most of my childhood. I studied Professional Theatre in College and dreamed of being an actress. I studied Religious Studies in University, to try and define what I believed. I never found a fit. I co-wrote and co-produced a television series which went into development with Channel 5 in the UK, called Spirit in My Suitcase. It was a docu-drama about 4 teens who found a mysterious suitcase, which contained a laptop that spoke as Spirit and sent them on adventures of spiritual discovery. I'm also a Musical Therapist with my husband, traveling around residential and nursing homes both in Canada and the UK. We sing old war songs and help them connect to their higher selves, through a process of Nameste. It is a powerful thing to see someone with dementia sing along with you,when they haven't spoken for five years. It can be a great lesson in spiritual connection with others. I've studied Energy healing in the form of Therapeutic Touch. I've written a novel (soon to be published), freelanced many articles and love to write about Spirit... in all its forms.